The Foreskin Press

Paper Trails & Launch Travails

Posted on: June 20, 2009

Confusion ran riot at the low-key launch of this irregular daily, presided over by a ubiquitous tubby and hirsute gentleman in office formals and designer facial hair.  Reuben Robert, new entrant on the journalism scene with his inexplicably titled The Foreskin Press, left visitors and reporters alike: parched, perspiring and perplexed.

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

The event hosted at his current employer’s pantry was tightly packed with “people dearest <to me>, renowned journalists, active bloggers, <my> family, friends and so many who love and care for <me>…”

All three of the five invitees who attended were squeezed into the venue between a defunct water-cooler and an angry refrigerator.  The venue’s poor ventilation, cramped seating and a notable lack of drinking water was further compounded by the extra-spicy samosas, a flatulent office-attendant, and some serious miscommunication.

When one visitor questioned the awkward and possibly objectionable choice for a news daily’s name, Reuben’s belligerent “everybody makes mistakes, okay?” left everyone befuddled.

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Some questions pertaining to the news daily’s intended audience, and the various channels of reaching said readers were answered with a perplexedly philosophical “yes, yes, yes.”

Reuben’s unconventional speech involved baffling clichés including, but not limited to, “making hay while the tide’s out”, “jittery pussies jumping over full moonings”, “milking boys while the cows graze”, and the completely arcane “that’s hot!”

His closing promise to inject a much needed breath of fresh air into the stale smegma of current affairs was immediately followed by an explosive and protracted rrrrrip that left everyone in shocked silence.

“Sorry, sir” said the rotund office boy.

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5 Responses to "Paper Trails & Launch Travails"

You are a RIOT. So fucking good to hear from you. But why “Foreskin” (eeeyyaaaahh) press? Thats so delicate and like a covering of a toy!

Had I money, I would fund your blog and your projects. But rather selfishly, I wish that you dont get the sponsor. if you do, I fear your madness will die.

Love you dude…..(no – I am not a flamboyant homosexual – I just truly love you the way you are).

hey! thanks for the offer… one day, i just may take you up on it! 😉

i came up with the name after i broke my head over getting a unique title for the blog… and what could be a better way to convey “Uncut News”? LOL!

hope you got it… if not, please read the about page on my blog: https://foreskinpress.wordpress.com/about-the-foreskin-press/

enjoy!

ya tell details

Wow Sizzler… Just happened upon your new blog. I think you’ve found your true calling. This is great satirical reading. Best of luck with The Foreskin Press.

thank you! as always, i’m in awe of your own blog… great stuff you’ve got going!

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