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Madhuri Gupta

Maduri Gupta

Indian diplomat Madhuri Gupta, arrested on charges of spying for Pakistani intelligence agencies, didn’t have access to highly classified material but it was too early to divulge more details, Minister of State for External Affairs Preneet Kaur said on Thursday.

“I rise to inform this august house that as a result of our counter intelligence effort, we had reason to believe that an official in the high commission of India in Islamabad had been passing information to the Pakistan Intelligence agencies,” the minister said in a statement in the Lok Sabha.

“The position occupied by the official did not involve access to highly classified material.  The actual positions were the Doggy Style, the Cowgirl, the Reverse Cowgirl and Spooning… Oh yes, there was a lot of Spooning,” she added.

Minister Preneet Kaur

When asked how the Ministry knew that the information was indeed not highly-classified,  Minister Preneet Kaur said, “every Indian can witness for themselves that the information sold by Madhuri in return for an opportunity to rut like a bitch-in-heat with a huge and hairy Pakistani is indeed lowly-classified or mediumly-classified, as we will be publishing it on the fourth-page of all the leading Dailies.”

Members of her ministry have argued that the data should be made available on the Page-3 of the relevant newspapers, as it would be a true representation of her title as Minister of State for External Affairs. Sources close to the PMO have informed this reporter that the matter is being discussed.

Requests for one-on-one interviews with Madhuri Gupta by reporters for The Foreskin Press were repeatedly denied. Officials later confirmed that the prisoner said she preferred cut dick.  Analysts speculate that this confirms the “true nature of her sexual addiction to yet another well-hung  Pakistani.”

Upon hearing of this latest development, renowned author-writer and media mogul Reuben Robert was reportedly quoted as saying, “She would rather deal with an endowed, circumcised and hirsute Pakistani?  Well, I assure you I’m not Pakistani.”


More news on the espionage case 1

More news on the espionage case 2

More news on the espionage case 3

More news on the espionage case 4

More news on the espionage case 5

More about Minister Preneet Kaur

Information on Pakistan’s notorious ISI

Information on Pakistan’s Intelligence Bureau

Information on India’s Intelligence Bureau

Foreskin Press hump ahead joke indian road sign madras chennai india chennai 1LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteHundreds of LGBT supporters gathered at the Triumph of Labour statue at the Marina Beach yesterday as a part of the Gay Pride March organized in the city of Chennai.

Thanks to the support from the current Government, a large presence of police personnel helped enliven the situation, with more numbers being exchanged than even glances.

Surprisingly, kothis, hijras and eunuchs were in much fewer numbers, and the event wasForeskin Press Pride Chennai Gay March 2009 hot uniformed men 1 dominated by mask-wearing everyday regular people. “Thank God!” was what the organizers had to say when we asked them about the low turnout of the transgendered. However, there was no down-playing the flamboyant glamor of the event, with every closet queen turning up in their best and brightest, rainbow boas, scarves, frills and more.

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteNoted mask-designer, Paul, had specially designed face wear for himself and his friends. The masks featured beautifully hand-carved and hand painted motifs, and were bordered by bright pink feathers. When asked where he came up with the idea for the design, he said “I happened on an old and disused pink feather duster at the bottom of my mother’s cleaning cabinet.” Needless to say, the realization (that it wasn’t just the idea that came from that duster, but the materials too) swept everyone away.

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual Transvestite Dog Bitch Beads FrillsThe parade saw many of man’s four-legged friends joining the voices of support. Dressed in frills and bright beads, this dog was the center of attention, with the media hounding her through the afternoon. When asked what she thought of the draconian Article 377, she said “Woof! Woof!” When we asked her what she thought of her owner who brought her out on a hot summer afternoon with nary any water or shelter in sight, she said “Woof! Woof!”

A snide remark from one the participants left everyone rolling in laughter: “The bitches are always the center of attraction!”

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteInterestingly, there were scores of media persons crawling through the crowd, trailing wires, wares, microphones and notepads. Cameramen were seen focusing on areas of special interest, and many found it hard to control their ‘pointed’ interest in the participants. The skilled interviewers asked hard-hitting questions, much like their counterparts on TV. “Are you gay?”, asked one short bespectacled journalist of a frolicking skirted man.

Foreskin Press Pride Chennai Gay March 2009 hot uniformed menA huge brawl over the free supply of sponsored Red Bull saw queens clawing and sashes shearing, and dreams destroyed, but the organizers down-played the incident. “See how active we are? See how we’re willing to fight for what we believe is ours?”

Tired but excited parade-goers had a lot to say once they arrived at the end of the march, the statue of Mahatma Gandhi, the father of India.

Media-mogul Reuben poses with a happy fan

Media-mogul Reuben poses with a happy fan

“I hope Article three-sixty-nine is enforced,” said one exhausted queen who’d appeared to have been in the sun for far too long. “Because I can’t wait to try the legal version!”

Three-seventy-seven must go,” squealed a feline male rubbing a dark bruise on his hand, “as must the bitch who stole my Red Bull!”

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 1

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 2

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 3

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 4

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 5

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 6

Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennaiRailway stations, out-station bus depots and various airports at the country’s Metros have been witness to the most colourful disembarkations over the last two days.

The Gay Pride marches being organized across India’s leading cities has seen queens converging in droves like flies are drawn to, well, shit.

People who prefer sex with members of the same sex promise to add colour to our dreary days not just by marching down the streets of Mumbai, Delhi, Bhubaneshwar, Hyderabad, Calcutta, Bangalore and now, even Chennai, but by also getting the controversial Article 377 of the archaic Indian Constitution repealed.

Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1“Who I [4-letter expletive] is my [4-letter expletive]ing business,” shrieks a saree draped Surendar, sashaying past the media.  And that pretty much sums up what the supposedly liberal hearted faggots are looking for.

On the other hand, however, we have the Home Ministry who are filled with brilliant old men who always know what’s best for India.  And they appear quite subdued about the whole LGBT activism.  “I will not succumb to temptation,” shouted a minister, leaving reporters confused.

The third player in the game of strange bedfellows is the High Court, who promises to be a little forward-thinking.  However, as the Indian public are well aware, thinking and actually doing are two very different things in our part of the sub-continent.

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1Not withstanding, queers all over the country are using this as an opportunity to party, over-dress, bitch, fight, wear make-up, borrow their mum’s underwear and shoes, pull on panty-hose, and generally make a spectacle of themselves.

Policemen all over the country have been similarly prepping themselves up for the grand day, some with extra groin cups and others with sunscreen.  “As if they aren’t already a bunch of confused non-men trying to palm off their perversion as a form of artistic expression,” says an angry policeman scheduled for duty at the Chennai Pride March.

foreskin-press-police-cop-policeman-gay-march-india-indian-pride-article-377-chennai.jpg“It’s bad enough that there’s a one in eight chance the offspring from my own rather well-endowed loins could turn out to be faggot,” bemoans another beefy policeman.  “Now I have to put up with him making a mockery of my manhood.”

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai2Another group of handsome young policemen sweltering under Chennai’s intense humidity asks, “Why the hell are we being asked to protect these kothis?  We’re the ones who need to be protected from them!” True to form, many fags gathered at the march have used every opportunity to brush up or feel up the cops on duty and were seen trying to exchange phone numbers with the reluctant young men in uniform.

The homos however have a different take on this.  “I got six numbers today,” exclaims a lipstick wearing young thing of indeterminate sex.  “What do you mean ‘reluctant young men in uniform’?  I found them very willing”, it said with a wink.Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 2

When this reporter clarified that the question pertained not to the willingness of the cops but to the overall issue at hand, the youth with the slathered on lipstick retorted, “Who cares?  I’ve got one muscled policeman lined up for every night through the coming week.  Who will you be sleeping with?”, and sashayed away with a laugh and a wild swing of the hips.

Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Chutiyas Riot Public Nuisance DisturbanceWith the Indian state of Tamil Nadu taking the lead on enabling Transgendered and Transvestites, others are running to cash in on what is increasingly being seen as a populist move.

Predictably, the Shiv Sena took to the streets when news of the Maharashtra Government’s move to add a similar option to new ration cards being issued in the state claiming that the only faggots in the state were “foreign, Pakistani, policemen, Muslims, Christians and Bihari.”Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Wrestling Kusti Mud Fight Men 1

“There is no place for homosexuals in our culture,” said an agitated Thackery.  It was promptly pointed out that homosexuality is a part of Hinduism, and makes up a huge part of our history.  “You are all mixed up. Even I have often confused semi-naked Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Wrestling Kusti Mud Fight MenIndian mud-wrestlers at the Akharas I own with intense with sexual desire and longing,” he said panting hard.  “The passion generated by watching two massive, muscular and manly men writhe together on our  the sand of our motherland, skin on skin, and sweat mingling as one , is hard to resist.  I must remind you that no Indian in our history has ever had sex with women, let alone with another man.”

Foreskin Press Raj Uddhav Bal Thackery Shiv Sena FoolsHe further went on to proclaim, “Sex is wrong!  I have never touched my wife even once.  My children are the offspring of God himself – God bless them all.”

The awkward silence was soon broken when the suddenly subdued Sena thugs began asking reporters to leave.

Later, discussions among visitors to the shocking Thackery news claimed to

File Photo of Bheem Bhai 'meeting the press' in his own inimitable style

Bheem Bhai 'meeting the press'

have noticed the Sena supremo’s personal bodyguard, Bheem Bhai Kamalnath, share guilty glances with Thackery’s wife.  No further developments have been reported.

The Tamil Nadu Government’s proactive step in issuing ration cards with the option to choose between ‘M‘ for Male, ‘F‘ for Female and ‘T‘ for Transgendered has recently been at the center of much controversy.

SWING, an NGO supporting children’s playgrounds, has highlighted the plight of bi-sexual men in India by asking for a ‘B’ on the ration cards.  “This issue has just been going back-back-forth-forth”, said Goe Bodhways.

Foreskin Press Wrestler Bodybuilder Indian Pehelwan Massive Muscle Man Shiv SenaIn the meanwhile, a particularly vociferous group has been lobbying to add an ‘MM’ to the much disputed list.  Jim Bheef, representing the group Sit -Ups, says that Muscle Marys within the community have been ostracized due to the fact that they have far more brawn and body odour than brains and poise.  “This is our lifestyle choice”, he retorts. “If I choose to take up steroids and shrivel up my gonads in the false hope that being extra beefy and straight-acting will make people respect and look up to me, then it’s my own choice.  Foreskin Press Muscle Mary floral pattern dumb bellsBut I want the Government of Tamil Nadu to recognize this and grant us Muscle Marys special status.” While it is unclear what Sit-Ups is hoping to gain from the representation, rumor has it that they expect whey foods and protein supplements to be part of the government hand-out at ration stores across the country.

“I prefer my protein straight from my man”, says Senthil ‘Sway’ Saro of Rated-A, a group fighting to have the Government recognize the enormous number of Indian men who prefer having sex with in the dark rear seats across thousands of adult cinema halls in the country.

While the current DMK Government has remained resolutely silent on the issue, the opposition parties have readily jumped into the fray.

Foreskin Press Captain Vijayakanth Indian Tamil Moron ActorMovie super-star “Captain” Vijaykant, of the newly formed DMDK, seemed rather unfazed.  Winking at reporters he said, “Many of them have come to my private farm house in Trichy to petition their cause.” When asked how he handled the issue, Vijaykant reportedly said, “one by one, every night.”

Foreskin Press Jayalalitha Sasikala Garland Lesbian Marriage IndiaHowever, when reporters converged on AIADMK supremo’s famed Poes Gardens residence, Jayalalitha appeared to be unaware of the brewing storm.  “I have no sexual relations with Sasikala, and never will.  I always entertain my closet… er… closest friends in my bedroom, and the media is always turning this around.”

A proposal to include the letter ‘P‘ to the contentious list has however, been turned down.  When contacted, petitioner R K Laxman said, “It’s only right that we identify Politicians as a seperate sexual gender.  Afterall, they’ve been [4-letter expletive]ing every living thing in this country!”

Confusion ran riot at the low-key launch of this irregular daily, presided over by a ubiquitous tubby and hirsute gentleman in office formals and designer facial hair.  Reuben Robert, new entrant on the journalism scene with his inexplicably titled The Foreskin Press, left visitors and reporters alike: parched, perspiring and perplexed.

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

The event hosted at his current employer’s pantry was tightly packed with “people dearest <to me>, renowned journalists, active bloggers, <my> family, friends and so many who love and care for <me>…”

All three of the five invitees who attended were squeezed into the venue between a defunct water-cooler and an angry refrigerator.  The venue’s poor ventilation, cramped seating and a notable lack of drinking water was further compounded by the extra-spicy samosas, a flatulent office-attendant, and some serious miscommunication.

When one visitor questioned the awkward and possibly objectionable choice for a news daily’s name, Reuben’s belligerent “everybody makes mistakes, okay?” left everyone befuddled.

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Some questions pertaining to the news daily’s intended audience, and the various channels of reaching said readers were answered with a perplexedly philosophical “yes, yes, yes.”

Reuben’s unconventional speech involved baffling clichés including, but not limited to, “making hay while the tide’s out”, “jittery pussies jumping over full moonings”, “milking boys while the cows graze”, and the completely arcane “that’s hot!”

His closing promise to inject a much needed breath of fresh air into the stale smegma of current affairs was immediately followed by an explosive and protracted rrrrrip that left everyone in shocked silence.

“Sorry, sir” said the rotund office boy.


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