The Foreskin Press

Posts Tagged ‘chennai

Earlier today, media-persons were sent into a tizzy when news of media-mogul Reuben Robert’s close shave on Saturday filled the rumour-mills across the country.

In keeping with his usual low-profile stance, reporters were seen camping outside his palatial Kottivakkam residence, his sprawling office, and his usual hang-outs all over the city of Chennai.

When reporters interviewed his driver-manservant, Thuyavan, a surprising number of important questions were answered.  Here’s an excerpt of the ground-breaking interview:

Reporter : Do you know where Reuben is?
Thuyavan : Who wants to know?
Reporter : The whole world!  What happened to Reuben? Is he safe?  What was this close-shave all about?
Thuyavan : Yes.

The driver immediately left to pick up Reuben at an undisclosed location.

Later in the day, excited media-persons were met by Ishwor Karki, Reuben’s in-house representative, who issued this statement, “Shri Reuben-ji would like everybody to be calm.  He will be auctioning his collection of pocket-combs, curlers and 2 hair-dryers via Ebay India.  A notification on the same will be issued shortly.  His hair-brush with death is not for sale at this moment.”

Relieved news-persons left the premises shortly.  Analysts are still speculating the effect this news would have on the stock markets come Monday morning.

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Fitness-guru Reuben poses with two bodybuilders in Puducherry

Once a pretty much unheard-of sport, and completely dominated by the West, bodybuilding is now taking center-stage in India.  What’s causing this sudden boom in body-building youth across the Nation’s gyms?  Experts claim it’s the rising focus on health.

“Have you seen the number of gyms in Chennai!” exclaims a traveling bra salesman we spoke to.  “There’s practically one on every street,” he claims while kneading a rather wrinkled 38-D in his hammy fist.

Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar a.k.a "We See Vinoth"

Doctor Ben Dover Ensayaah attributes it to the changing trends brought about by fashion and propagated by the ubiquitous television.  “Look at the people we see on TV these days… Is there even one unfit soul?  Even I’ve begun working on my abs.  Wanna have a look?” And the doctor attempted to lift his shirt.  Luckily this reporter managed to avert his eyes before any permanent damage was done.

Who did you call chicken?

However, fitness icon and guru, Reuben Robert, had an entirely different take on the subject. “It’s the rising income-levels,” he proclaimed.  “Finally, we Indians can afford to eat, as against barely subsisting or surviving.  Young men now have access to food that’s actually healthy for you and rich in nutrients!”

Indian bodybuilders posing at a local competition

We later approached Reuben’s brother, professional bodybuilder Vinoth Kumar, for his views.  “Why does everything have to be about how much I eat?” he growled, while shielding his plate of Tandoori Chicken.  “As long as my ‘anna’ is paying for my diet, I’ll eat absolutely anything that can’t bite me back!” This reporter shudders at the narrow escape from those gnashing jaws.

"We See Vinoth" lounging at home in his underwear

Despite their low hygiene, lower IQs and non-existent morals, we are all in awe of the muscle-bound hunks around us.

While most people believe that bodybuilders are driven by a passion for strength, a fire for beating the limit, and sheer unbridled ambition, the truth is clear to only those in the know.  More often than not, bodybuilders are driven purely by sheer conceit, the ability to dominate others, the sincere belief that they are superior humans and the God-like ability to be completely self-centered.

Hungry Kya?

Remember,  size does matter.


Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar’s Blog

(click the link inside his blog to see his massive library of bodybuilding photos)

Video : We See Vinoth’s YouTube Channel

History of Indian bodybuilding in pictures

.

Foreskin Press hump ahead joke indian road sign madras chennai india chennai 1LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteHundreds of LGBT supporters gathered at the Triumph of Labour statue at the Marina Beach yesterday as a part of the Gay Pride March organized in the city of Chennai.

Thanks to the support from the current Government, a large presence of police personnel helped enliven the situation, with more numbers being exchanged than even glances.

Surprisingly, kothis, hijras and eunuchs were in much fewer numbers, and the event wasForeskin Press Pride Chennai Gay March 2009 hot uniformed men 1 dominated by mask-wearing everyday regular people. “Thank God!” was what the organizers had to say when we asked them about the low turnout of the transgendered. However, there was no down-playing the flamboyant glamor of the event, with every closet queen turning up in their best and brightest, rainbow boas, scarves, frills and more.

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteNoted mask-designer, Paul, had specially designed face wear for himself and his friends. The masks featured beautifully hand-carved and hand painted motifs, and were bordered by bright pink feathers. When asked where he came up with the idea for the design, he said “I happened on an old and disused pink feather duster at the bottom of my mother’s cleaning cabinet.” Needless to say, the realization (that it wasn’t just the idea that came from that duster, but the materials too) swept everyone away.

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual Transvestite Dog Bitch Beads FrillsThe parade saw many of man’s four-legged friends joining the voices of support. Dressed in frills and bright beads, this dog was the center of attention, with the media hounding her through the afternoon. When asked what she thought of the draconian Article 377, she said “Woof! Woof!” When we asked her what she thought of her owner who brought her out on a hot summer afternoon with nary any water or shelter in sight, she said “Woof! Woof!”

A snide remark from one the participants left everyone rolling in laughter: “The bitches are always the center of attraction!”

LGBT Gay Pride March Chennai 2009 Lesbian Queer Bisexual Transgendered Transexual TransvestiteInterestingly, there were scores of media persons crawling through the crowd, trailing wires, wares, microphones and notepads. Cameramen were seen focusing on areas of special interest, and many found it hard to control their ‘pointed’ interest in the participants. The skilled interviewers asked hard-hitting questions, much like their counterparts on TV. “Are you gay?”, asked one short bespectacled journalist of a frolicking skirted man.

Foreskin Press Pride Chennai Gay March 2009 hot uniformed menA huge brawl over the free supply of sponsored Red Bull saw queens clawing and sashes shearing, and dreams destroyed, but the organizers down-played the incident. “See how active we are? See how we’re willing to fight for what we believe is ours?”

Tired but excited parade-goers had a lot to say once they arrived at the end of the march, the statue of Mahatma Gandhi, the father of India.

Media-mogul Reuben poses with a happy fan

Media-mogul Reuben poses with a happy fan

“I hope Article three-sixty-nine is enforced,” said one exhausted queen who’d appeared to have been in the sun for far too long. “Because I can’t wait to try the legal version!”

Three-seventy-seven must go,” squealed a feline male rubbing a dark bruise on his hand, “as must the bitch who stole my Red Bull!”

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 1

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 2

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 3

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 4

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 5

Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 6

Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennaiRailway stations, out-station bus depots and various airports at the country’s Metros have been witness to the most colourful disembarkations over the last two days.

The Gay Pride marches being organized across India’s leading cities has seen queens converging in droves like flies are drawn to, well, shit.

People who prefer sex with members of the same sex promise to add colour to our dreary days not just by marching down the streets of Mumbai, Delhi, Bhubaneshwar, Hyderabad, Calcutta, Bangalore and now, even Chennai, but by also getting the controversial Article 377 of the archaic Indian Constitution repealed.

Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1“Who I [4-letter expletive] is my [4-letter expletive]ing business,” shrieks a saree draped Surendar, sashaying past the media.  And that pretty much sums up what the supposedly liberal hearted faggots are looking for.

On the other hand, however, we have the Home Ministry who are filled with brilliant old men who always know what’s best for India.  And they appear quite subdued about the whole LGBT activism.  “I will not succumb to temptation,” shouted a minister, leaving reporters confused.

The third player in the game of strange bedfellows is the High Court, who promises to be a little forward-thinking.  However, as the Indian public are well aware, thinking and actually doing are two very different things in our part of the sub-continent.

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1Not withstanding, queers all over the country are using this as an opportunity to party, over-dress, bitch, fight, wear make-up, borrow their mum’s underwear and shoes, pull on panty-hose, and generally make a spectacle of themselves.

Policemen all over the country have been similarly prepping themselves up for the grand day, some with extra groin cups and others with sunscreen.  “As if they aren’t already a bunch of confused non-men trying to palm off their perversion as a form of artistic expression,” says an angry policeman scheduled for duty at the Chennai Pride March.

foreskin-press-police-cop-policeman-gay-march-india-indian-pride-article-377-chennai.jpg“It’s bad enough that there’s a one in eight chance the offspring from my own rather well-endowed loins could turn out to be faggot,” bemoans another beefy policeman.  “Now I have to put up with him making a mockery of my manhood.”

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai2Another group of handsome young policemen sweltering under Chennai’s intense humidity asks, “Why the hell are we being asked to protect these kothis?  We’re the ones who need to be protected from them!” True to form, many fags gathered at the march have used every opportunity to brush up or feel up the cops on duty and were seen trying to exchange phone numbers with the reluctant young men in uniform.

The homos however have a different take on this.  “I got six numbers today,” exclaims a lipstick wearing young thing of indeterminate sex.  “What do you mean ‘reluctant young men in uniform’?  I found them very willing”, it said with a wink.Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 2

When this reporter clarified that the question pertained not to the willingness of the cops but to the overall issue at hand, the youth with the slathered on lipstick retorted, “Who cares?  I’ve got one muscled policeman lined up for every night through the coming week.  Who will you be sleeping with?”, and sashayed away with a laugh and a wild swing of the hips.


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