Posts Tagged ‘gay rights’
India Legalizes Homosexuality; Repeals Article 377 : Deepthroat Act Leaves Muslim Leaders, Christian Clergy and Hindu Leaders Gagging
Posted July 2, 2009on:
In a landmark judgment, the Delhi High Court today legalized homosexuality.
“This day will go down in history,” said a spokesperson for the Naz Foundation, the people who actually brought the petition before the courts and have been fighting the case for 8 long years.
“This day I will be going down during history!” says a shy yet excited student supporter of the LGBTQ movement, referring to his college class.
Expecting to be touched by the hand of God, globally millions have instead been touched by their parish leaders, maulanas, temple priest, religious leaders and other god-men. With atleast one in three gay men acknowledging that they first indulged in homosexuality while either participating in a choir, sleeping in religious schools, dancing at temple functions and other related religious programs or events, the LGBTQ community have been startled to see their very initiators lead the protests against their own personal Frankenstein.
“I’m sure my parents will be very happy that the man in my life is our church pastor,” said another Sunday School volunteer. “Everybody loves him!”
Hindus we contacted were particularly blase about the whole thing. This was attributed to the fact that despite acting straight, almost all of them were rampant closet faggots. “Everyone knows that to be a Brahmin you have to be dancing queen,” said a cheerful young boy adjusting the sacred thread draped over his shoulder and around his waist.
Telecom operators faced an unprecedented congestion of their networks as millions of pansies across the country called or texted a friend to bask in the wonderful news being blasted across all the news channels and the Internet too.
Under cover of anonymity, a burly policeman told this reporter “finally, all the stuff we do to our suspects in the debriefing room of the station has been legalized. To hell with the human rights watchdogs!” While the controversial Article 377 of the Indian Penal Code wasn’t struck down, it was however read down. This means the act of non-consensual sex would still remain a crime, thus protecting rape victims and ensuring criminal acts of sodomy are still punishable. To which the muscle-bound law enforcer assured us, “Don’t worry… We’ve got a grip on that!”
Meanwhile, in typical queer fashion, faggots around the nation have found a way to demean the most important occurrence in their, thus far, sad, measly and meaningless lives by deciding to throw massive parties in celebration of the ground-breaking judgment.
“Party on,” exclaimed a smiling Moily, India’s Minister for Law & Justice, and an unabashed supporter of gay-rights. “Party on!”
With the Indian state of Tamil Nadu taking the lead on enabling Transgendered and Transvestites, others are running to cash in on what is increasingly being seen as a populist move.
Predictably, the Shiv Sena took to the streets when news of the Maharashtra Government’s move to add a similar option to new ration cards being issued in the state claiming that the only faggots in the state were “foreign, Pakistani, policemen, Muslims, Christians and Bihari.”
“There is no place for homosexuals in our culture,” said an agitated Thackery. It was promptly pointed out that homosexuality is a part of Hinduism, and makes up a huge part of our history. “You are all mixed up. Even I have often confused semi-naked Indian mud-wrestlers at the Akharas I own with intense with sexual desire and longing,” he said panting hard. “The passion generated by watching two massive, muscular and manly men writhe together on our the sand of our motherland, skin on skin, and sweat mingling as one , is hard to resist. I must remind you that no Indian in our history has ever had sex with women, let alone with another man.”
The awkward silence was soon broken when the suddenly subdued Sena thugs began asking reporters to leave.
Later, discussions among visitors to the shocking Thackery news claimed to
have noticed the Sena supremo’s personal bodyguard, Bheem Bhai Kamalnath, share guilty glances with Thackery’s wife. No further developments have been reported.
The Tamil Nadu Government’s proactive step in issuing ration cards with the option to choose between ‘M‘ for Male, ‘F‘ for Female and ‘T‘ for Transgendered has recently been at the center of much controversy.
SWING, an NGO supporting children’s playgrounds, has highlighted the plight of bi-sexual men in India by asking for a ‘B’ on the ration cards. “This issue has just been going back-back-forth-forth”, said Goe Bodhways.
In the meanwhile, a particularly vociferous group has been lobbying to add an ‘MM’ to the much disputed list. Jim Bheef, representing the group Sit -Ups, says that Muscle Marys within the community have been ostracized due to the fact that they have far more brawn and body odour than brains and poise. “This is our lifestyle choice”, he retorts. “If I choose to take up steroids and shrivel up my gonads in the false hope that being extra beefy and straight-acting will make people respect and look up to me, then it’s my own choice. But I want the Government of Tamil Nadu to recognize this and grant us Muscle Marys special status.” While it is unclear what Sit-Ups is hoping to gain from the representation, rumor has it that they expect whey foods and protein supplements to be part of the government hand-out at ration stores across the country.
“I prefer my protein straight from my man”, says Senthil ‘Sway’ Saro of Rated-A, a group fighting to have the Government recognize the enormous number of Indian men who prefer having sex with in the dark rear seats across thousands of adult cinema halls in the country.
While the current DMK Government has remained resolutely silent on the issue, the opposition parties have readily jumped into the fray.
Movie super-star “Captain” Vijaykant, of the newly formed DMDK, seemed rather unfazed. Winking at reporters he said, “Many of them have come to my private farm house in Trichy to petition their cause.” When asked how he handled the issue, Vijaykant reportedly said, “one by one, every night.”
However, when reporters converged on AIADMK supremo’s famed Poes Gardens residence, Jayalalitha appeared to be unaware of the brewing storm. “I have no sexual relations with Sasikala, and never will. I always entertain my closet… er… closest friends in my bedroom, and the media is always turning this around.”
A proposal to include the letter ‘P‘ to the contentious list has however, been turned down. When contacted, petitioner R K Laxman said, “It’s only right that we identify Politicians as a seperate sexual gender. Afterall, they’ve been [4-letter expletive]ing every living thing in this country!”