The Foreskin Press

Posts Tagged ‘muscle

Fitness-guru Reuben poses with two bodybuilders in Puducherry

Once a pretty much unheard-of sport, and completely dominated by the West, bodybuilding is now taking center-stage in India.  What’s causing this sudden boom in body-building youth across the Nation’s gyms?  Experts claim it’s the rising focus on health.

“Have you seen the number of gyms in Chennai!” exclaims a traveling bra salesman we spoke to.  “There’s practically one on every street,” he claims while kneading a rather wrinkled 38-D in his hammy fist.

Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar a.k.a "We See Vinoth"

Doctor Ben Dover Ensayaah attributes it to the changing trends brought about by fashion and propagated by the ubiquitous television.  “Look at the people we see on TV these days… Is there even one unfit soul?  Even I’ve begun working on my abs.  Wanna have a look?” And the doctor attempted to lift his shirt.  Luckily this reporter managed to avert his eyes before any permanent damage was done.

Who did you call chicken?

However, fitness icon and guru, Reuben Robert, had an entirely different take on the subject. “It’s the rising income-levels,” he proclaimed.  “Finally, we Indians can afford to eat, as against barely subsisting or surviving.  Young men now have access to food that’s actually healthy for you and rich in nutrients!”

Indian bodybuilders posing at a local competition

We later approached Reuben’s brother, professional bodybuilder Vinoth Kumar, for his views.  “Why does everything have to be about how much I eat?” he growled, while shielding his plate of Tandoori Chicken.  “As long as my ‘anna’ is paying for my diet, I’ll eat absolutely anything that can’t bite me back!” This reporter shudders at the narrow escape from those gnashing jaws.

"We See Vinoth" lounging at home in his underwear

Despite their low hygiene, lower IQs and non-existent morals, we are all in awe of the muscle-bound hunks around us.

While most people believe that bodybuilders are driven by a passion for strength, a fire for beating the limit, and sheer unbridled ambition, the truth is clear to only those in the know.  More often than not, bodybuilders are driven purely by sheer conceit, the ability to dominate others, the sincere belief that they are superior humans and the God-like ability to be completely self-centered.

Hungry Kya?

Remember,  size does matter.


Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar’s Blog

(click the link inside his blog to see his massive library of bodybuilding photos)

Video : We See Vinoth’s YouTube Channel

History of Indian bodybuilding in pictures

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Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennaiRailway stations, out-station bus depots and various airports at the country’s Metros have been witness to the most colourful disembarkations over the last two days.

The Gay Pride marches being organized across India’s leading cities has seen queens converging in droves like flies are drawn to, well, shit.

People who prefer sex with members of the same sex promise to add colour to our dreary days not just by marching down the streets of Mumbai, Delhi, Bhubaneshwar, Hyderabad, Calcutta, Bangalore and now, even Chennai, but by also getting the controversial Article 377 of the archaic Indian Constitution repealed.

Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1“Who I [4-letter expletive] is my [4-letter expletive]ing business,” shrieks a saree draped Surendar, sashaying past the media.  And that pretty much sums up what the supposedly liberal hearted faggots are looking for.

On the other hand, however, we have the Home Ministry who are filled with brilliant old men who always know what’s best for India.  And they appear quite subdued about the whole LGBT activism.  “I will not succumb to temptation,” shouted a minister, leaving reporters confused.

The third player in the game of strange bedfellows is the High Court, who promises to be a little forward-thinking.  However, as the Indian public are well aware, thinking and actually doing are two very different things in our part of the sub-continent.

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 1Not withstanding, queers all over the country are using this as an opportunity to party, over-dress, bitch, fight, wear make-up, borrow their mum’s underwear and shoes, pull on panty-hose, and generally make a spectacle of themselves.

Policemen all over the country have been similarly prepping themselves up for the grand day, some with extra groin cups and others with sunscreen.  “As if they aren’t already a bunch of confused non-men trying to palm off their perversion as a form of artistic expression,” says an angry policeman scheduled for duty at the Chennai Pride March.

foreskin-press-police-cop-policeman-gay-march-india-indian-pride-article-377-chennai.jpg“It’s bad enough that there’s a one in eight chance the offspring from my own rather well-endowed loins could turn out to be faggot,” bemoans another beefy policeman.  “Now I have to put up with him making a mockery of my manhood.”

Foreskin Press police cop policeman gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai2Another group of handsome young policemen sweltering under Chennai’s intense humidity asks, “Why the hell are we being asked to protect these kothis?  We’re the ones who need to be protected from them!” True to form, many fags gathered at the march have used every opportunity to brush up or feel up the cops on duty and were seen trying to exchange phone numbers with the reluctant young men in uniform.

The homos however have a different take on this.  “I got six numbers today,” exclaims a lipstick wearing young thing of indeterminate sex.  “What do you mean ‘reluctant young men in uniform’?  I found them very willing”, it said with a wink.Foreskin Press gay march india indian pride article 377 chennai 2

When this reporter clarified that the question pertained not to the willingness of the cops but to the overall issue at hand, the youth with the slathered on lipstick retorted, “Who cares?  I’ve got one muscled policeman lined up for every night through the coming week.  Who will you be sleeping with?”, and sashayed away with a laugh and a wild swing of the hips.

Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Chutiyas Riot Public Nuisance DisturbanceWith the Indian state of Tamil Nadu taking the lead on enabling Transgendered and Transvestites, others are running to cash in on what is increasingly being seen as a populist move.

Predictably, the Shiv Sena took to the streets when news of the Maharashtra Government’s move to add a similar option to new ration cards being issued in the state claiming that the only faggots in the state were “foreign, Pakistani, policemen, Muslims, Christians and Bihari.”Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Wrestling Kusti Mud Fight Men 1

“There is no place for homosexuals in our culture,” said an agitated Thackery.  It was promptly pointed out that homosexuality is a part of Hinduism, and makes up a huge part of our history.  “You are all mixed up. Even I have often confused semi-naked Foreskin Press Shiv Sena Wrestling Kusti Mud Fight MenIndian mud-wrestlers at the Akharas I own with intense with sexual desire and longing,” he said panting hard.  “The passion generated by watching two massive, muscular and manly men writhe together on our  the sand of our motherland, skin on skin, and sweat mingling as one , is hard to resist.  I must remind you that no Indian in our history has ever had sex with women, let alone with another man.”

Foreskin Press Raj Uddhav Bal Thackery Shiv Sena FoolsHe further went on to proclaim, “Sex is wrong!  I have never touched my wife even once.  My children are the offspring of God himself – God bless them all.”

The awkward silence was soon broken when the suddenly subdued Sena thugs began asking reporters to leave.

Later, discussions among visitors to the shocking Thackery news claimed to

File Photo of Bheem Bhai 'meeting the press' in his own inimitable style

Bheem Bhai 'meeting the press'

have noticed the Sena supremo’s personal bodyguard, Bheem Bhai Kamalnath, share guilty glances with Thackery’s wife.  No further developments have been reported.

The Tamil Nadu Government’s proactive step in issuing ration cards with the option to choose between ‘M‘ for Male, ‘F‘ for Female and ‘T‘ for Transgendered has recently been at the center of much controversy.

SWING, an NGO supporting children’s playgrounds, has highlighted the plight of bi-sexual men in India by asking for a ‘B’ on the ration cards.  “This issue has just been going back-back-forth-forth”, said Goe Bodhways.

Foreskin Press Wrestler Bodybuilder Indian Pehelwan Massive Muscle Man Shiv SenaIn the meanwhile, a particularly vociferous group has been lobbying to add an ‘MM’ to the much disputed list.  Jim Bheef, representing the group Sit -Ups, says that Muscle Marys within the community have been ostracized due to the fact that they have far more brawn and body odour than brains and poise.  “This is our lifestyle choice”, he retorts. “If I choose to take up steroids and shrivel up my gonads in the false hope that being extra beefy and straight-acting will make people respect and look up to me, then it’s my own choice.  Foreskin Press Muscle Mary floral pattern dumb bellsBut I want the Government of Tamil Nadu to recognize this and grant us Muscle Marys special status.” While it is unclear what Sit-Ups is hoping to gain from the representation, rumor has it that they expect whey foods and protein supplements to be part of the government hand-out at ration stores across the country.

“I prefer my protein straight from my man”, says Senthil ‘Sway’ Saro of Rated-A, a group fighting to have the Government recognize the enormous number of Indian men who prefer having sex with in the dark rear seats across thousands of adult cinema halls in the country.

While the current DMK Government has remained resolutely silent on the issue, the opposition parties have readily jumped into the fray.

Foreskin Press Captain Vijayakanth Indian Tamil Moron ActorMovie super-star “Captain” Vijaykant, of the newly formed DMDK, seemed rather unfazed.  Winking at reporters he said, “Many of them have come to my private farm house in Trichy to petition their cause.” When asked how he handled the issue, Vijaykant reportedly said, “one by one, every night.”

Foreskin Press Jayalalitha Sasikala Garland Lesbian Marriage IndiaHowever, when reporters converged on AIADMK supremo’s famed Poes Gardens residence, Jayalalitha appeared to be unaware of the brewing storm.  “I have no sexual relations with Sasikala, and never will.  I always entertain my closet… er… closest friends in my bedroom, and the media is always turning this around.”

A proposal to include the letter ‘P‘ to the contentious list has however, been turned down.  When contacted, petitioner R K Laxman said, “It’s only right that we identify Politicians as a seperate sexual gender.  Afterall, they’ve been [4-letter expletive]ing every living thing in this country!”


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