Posts Tagged ‘Reuben Robert’
Basis our ‘Indian ethos of inclusiveness and oneness with the land’ the ministry gave clearance for erecting the steel plant with 28 additional conditions and for the POSCO port with 32 additional conditions as part of environment clearance.
“It is common knowledge that steel is a nurturing element for Mother Earth,” Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh intoned. “Without steel, why would current car manufacturers around the world work towards non-polluting and alternate energy vehicles of tomorrow? Without steel, how would the whalers and trawlers engage on sea-life restoration projects to ensure our oceans still teem with abundant life when our grandchildren eventually go fishing?”
When asked why tens of thousands of villagers and environmentalists were still against the project, the Minister responded with a curt “because they are uneducated”. He went on to add that big projects such as the POSCO unit were actually very environmentally friendly. “That’s why they’re called iron & steel plants”, he said.
Meanwhile, environmentalists at the proposed site in Orissa have been fasting and fighting while feasting on Machha Curry, Bhendi Bhaja and steamed rice. These hardy believers have dodged rubber bullets and borne the brunt of the angry security forces’ lathis to ensure leaders of the Posco Pratirodh Sangram Samiti arrive safely in their Toyota Fortuners and Mahindra Scorpios. “Any damage to their expensive cars would require more steel to fix,” admitted a sheepish activist.
Regardless of whether their war against the erection of the 12-million tonne steel plant is won, the ability of the protest leaders to create a rebellion against the one single opportunity to alleviate poverty in the region has already secured themselves an assured berth on the next Government in Orissa.
A statement from the world’s Global Representative for Planet Earth and Near-Space, Hon’ Reuben Robert, left earnest news agencies baffled when he quipped “Since when did POSCO get into steel? I find their balls tight, bouncy and a joy to play with.”
This statement was later clarified by his spokesperson as a “minor confusion” with the sports brand COSCO.
Earlier today, media-persons were sent into a tizzy when news of media-mogul Reuben Robert’s close shave on Saturday filled the rumour-mills across the country.
When reporters interviewed his driver-manservant, Thuyavan, a surprising number of important questions were answered. Here’s an excerpt of the ground-breaking interview:
Reporter : Do you know where Reuben is?
Thuyavan : Who wants to know?
Reporter : The whole world! What happened to Reuben? Is he safe? What was this close-shave all about?
Thuyavan : Yes.
The driver immediately left to pick up Reuben at an undisclosed location.
Later in the day, excited media-persons were met by Ishwor Karki, Reuben’s in-house representative, who issued this statement, “Shri Reuben-ji would like everybody to be calm. He will be auctioning his collection of pocket-combs, curlers and 2 hair-dryers via Ebay India. A notification on the same will be issued shortly. His hair-brush with death is not for sale at this moment.”
Relieved news-persons left the premises shortly. Analysts are still speculating the effect this news would have on the stock markets come Monday morning.
Once a pretty much unheard-of sport, and completely dominated by the West, bodybuilding is now taking center-stage in India. What’s causing this sudden boom in body-building youth across the Nation’s gyms? Experts claim it’s the rising focus on health.
“Have you seen the number of gyms in Chennai!” exclaims a traveling bra salesman we spoke to. “There’s practically one on every street,” he claims while kneading a rather wrinkled 38-D in his hammy fist.
Doctor Ben Dover Ensayaah attributes it to the changing trends brought about by fashion and propagated by the ubiquitous television. “Look at the people we see on TV these days… Is there even one unfit soul? Even I’ve begun working on my abs. Wanna have a look?” And the doctor attempted to lift his shirt. Luckily this reporter managed to avert his eyes before any permanent damage was done.
However, fitness icon and guru, Reuben Robert, had an entirely different take on the subject. “It’s the rising income-levels,” he proclaimed. “Finally, we Indians can afford to eat, as against barely subsisting or surviving. Young men now have access to food that’s actually healthy for you and rich in nutrients!”
We later approached Reuben’s brother, professional bodybuilder Vinoth Kumar, for his views. “Why does everything have to be about how much I eat?” he growled, while shielding his plate of Tandoori Chicken. “As long as my ‘anna’ is paying for my diet, I’ll eat absolutely anything that can’t bite me back!” This reporter shudders at the narrow escape from those gnashing jaws.
Despite their low hygiene, lower IQs and non-existent morals, we are all in awe of the muscle-bound hunks around us.
While most people believe that bodybuilders are driven by a passion for strength, a fire for beating the limit, and sheer unbridled ambition, the truth is clear to only those in the know. More often than not, bodybuilders are driven purely by sheer conceit, the ability to dominate others, the sincere belief that they are superior humans and the God-like ability to be completely self-centered.
Remember, size does matter.
(click the link inside his blog to see his massive library of bodybuilding photos)