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Posts Tagged ‘Reuben

Madhuri Gupta

Maduri Gupta

Indian diplomat Madhuri Gupta, arrested on charges of spying for Pakistani intelligence agencies, didn’t have access to highly classified material but it was too early to divulge more details, Minister of State for External Affairs Preneet Kaur said on Thursday.

“I rise to inform this august house that as a result of our counter intelligence effort, we had reason to believe that an official in the high commission of India in Islamabad had been passing information to the Pakistan Intelligence agencies,” the minister said in a statement in the Lok Sabha.

“The position occupied by the official did not involve access to highly classified material.  The actual positions were the Doggy Style, the Cowgirl, the Reverse Cowgirl and Spooning… Oh yes, there was a lot of Spooning,” she added.

Minister Preneet Kaur

When asked how the Ministry knew that the information was indeed not highly-classified,  Minister Preneet Kaur said, “every Indian can witness for themselves that the information sold by Madhuri in return for an opportunity to rut like a bitch-in-heat with a huge and hairy Pakistani is indeed lowly-classified or mediumly-classified, as we will be publishing it on the fourth-page of all the leading Dailies.”

Members of her ministry have argued that the data should be made available on the Page-3 of the relevant newspapers, as it would be a true representation of her title as Minister of State for External Affairs. Sources close to the PMO have informed this reporter that the matter is being discussed.

Requests for one-on-one interviews with Madhuri Gupta by reporters for The Foreskin Press were repeatedly denied. Officials later confirmed that the prisoner said she preferred cut dick.  Analysts speculate that this confirms the “true nature of her sexual addiction to yet another well-hung  Pakistani.”

Upon hearing of this latest development, renowned author-writer and media mogul Reuben Robert was reportedly quoted as saying, “She would rather deal with an endowed, circumcised and hirsute Pakistani?  Well, I assure you I’m not Pakistani.”


More news on the espionage case 1

More news on the espionage case 2

More news on the espionage case 3

More news on the espionage case 4

More news on the espionage case 5

More about Minister Preneet Kaur

Information on Pakistan’s notorious ISI

Information on Pakistan’s Intelligence Bureau

Information on India’s Intelligence Bureau

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Earlier today, media-persons were sent into a tizzy when news of media-mogul Reuben Robert’s close shave on Saturday filled the rumour-mills across the country.

In keeping with his usual low-profile stance, reporters were seen camping outside his palatial Kottivakkam residence, his sprawling office, and his usual hang-outs all over the city of Chennai.

When reporters interviewed his driver-manservant, Thuyavan, a surprising number of important questions were answered.  Here’s an excerpt of the ground-breaking interview:

Reporter : Do you know where Reuben is?
Thuyavan : Who wants to know?
Reporter : The whole world!  What happened to Reuben? Is he safe?  What was this close-shave all about?
Thuyavan : Yes.

The driver immediately left to pick up Reuben at an undisclosed location.

Later in the day, excited media-persons were met by Ishwor Karki, Reuben’s in-house representative, who issued this statement, “Shri Reuben-ji would like everybody to be calm.  He will be auctioning his collection of pocket-combs, curlers and 2 hair-dryers via Ebay India.  A notification on the same will be issued shortly.  His hair-brush with death is not for sale at this moment.”

Relieved news-persons left the premises shortly.  Analysts are still speculating the effect this news would have on the stock markets come Monday morning.

Fitness-guru Reuben poses with two bodybuilders in Puducherry

Once a pretty much unheard-of sport, and completely dominated by the West, bodybuilding is now taking center-stage in India.  What’s causing this sudden boom in body-building youth across the Nation’s gyms?  Experts claim it’s the rising focus on health.

“Have you seen the number of gyms in Chennai!” exclaims a traveling bra salesman we spoke to.  “There’s practically one on every street,” he claims while kneading a rather wrinkled 38-D in his hammy fist.

Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar a.k.a "We See Vinoth"

Doctor Ben Dover Ensayaah attributes it to the changing trends brought about by fashion and propagated by the ubiquitous television.  “Look at the people we see on TV these days… Is there even one unfit soul?  Even I’ve begun working on my abs.  Wanna have a look?” And the doctor attempted to lift his shirt.  Luckily this reporter managed to avert his eyes before any permanent damage was done.

Who did you call chicken?

However, fitness icon and guru, Reuben Robert, had an entirely different take on the subject. “It’s the rising income-levels,” he proclaimed.  “Finally, we Indians can afford to eat, as against barely subsisting or surviving.  Young men now have access to food that’s actually healthy for you and rich in nutrients!”

Indian bodybuilders posing at a local competition

We later approached Reuben’s brother, professional bodybuilder Vinoth Kumar, for his views.  “Why does everything have to be about how much I eat?” he growled, while shielding his plate of Tandoori Chicken.  “As long as my ‘anna’ is paying for my diet, I’ll eat absolutely anything that can’t bite me back!” This reporter shudders at the narrow escape from those gnashing jaws.

"We See Vinoth" lounging at home in his underwear

Despite their low hygiene, lower IQs and non-existent morals, we are all in awe of the muscle-bound hunks around us.

While most people believe that bodybuilders are driven by a passion for strength, a fire for beating the limit, and sheer unbridled ambition, the truth is clear to only those in the know.  More often than not, bodybuilders are driven purely by sheer conceit, the ability to dominate others, the sincere belief that they are superior humans and the God-like ability to be completely self-centered.

Hungry Kya?

Remember,  size does matter.


Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar’s Blog

(click the link inside his blog to see his massive library of bodybuilding photos)

Video : We See Vinoth’s YouTube Channel

History of Indian bodybuilding in pictures

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Confusion ran riot at the low-key launch of this irregular daily, presided over by a ubiquitous tubby and hirsute gentleman in office formals and designer facial hair.  Reuben Robert, new entrant on the journalism scene with his inexplicably titled The Foreskin Press, left visitors and reporters alike: parched, perspiring and perplexed.

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

Inauguration of Foreskin Press

The event hosted at his current employer’s pantry was tightly packed with “people dearest <to me>, renowned journalists, active bloggers, <my> family, friends and so many who love and care for <me>…”

All three of the five invitees who attended were squeezed into the venue between a defunct water-cooler and an angry refrigerator.  The venue’s poor ventilation, cramped seating and a notable lack of drinking water was further compounded by the extra-spicy samosas, a flatulent office-attendant, and some serious miscommunication.

When one visitor questioned the awkward and possibly objectionable choice for a news daily’s name, Reuben’s belligerent “everybody makes mistakes, okay?” left everyone befuddled.

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Candid picture of camera-shy media mogul Reuben Robert

Some questions pertaining to the news daily’s intended audience, and the various channels of reaching said readers were answered with a perplexedly philosophical “yes, yes, yes.”

Reuben’s unconventional speech involved baffling clichés including, but not limited to, “making hay while the tide’s out”, “jittery pussies jumping over full moonings”, “milking boys while the cows graze”, and the completely arcane “that’s hot!”

His closing promise to inject a much needed breath of fresh air into the stale smegma of current affairs was immediately followed by an explosive and protracted rrrrrip that left everyone in shocked silence.

“Sorry, sir” said the rotund office boy.


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