Posts Tagged ‘riot’
Basis our ‘Indian ethos of inclusiveness and oneness with the land’ the ministry gave clearance for erecting the steel plant with 28 additional conditions and for the POSCO port with 32 additional conditions as part of environment clearance.
“It is common knowledge that steel is a nurturing element for Mother Earth,” Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh intoned. “Without steel, why would current car manufacturers around the world work towards non-polluting and alternate energy vehicles of tomorrow? Without steel, how would the whalers and trawlers engage on sea-life restoration projects to ensure our oceans still teem with abundant life when our grandchildren eventually go fishing?”
When asked why tens of thousands of villagers and environmentalists were still against the project, the Minister responded with a curt “because they are uneducated”. He went on to add that big projects such as the POSCO unit were actually very environmentally friendly. “That’s why they’re called iron & steel plants”, he said.
Meanwhile, environmentalists at the proposed site in Orissa have been fasting and fighting while feasting on Machha Curry, Bhendi Bhaja and steamed rice. These hardy believers have dodged rubber bullets and borne the brunt of the angry security forces’ lathis to ensure leaders of the Posco Pratirodh Sangram Samiti arrive safely in their Toyota Fortuners and Mahindra Scorpios. “Any damage to their expensive cars would require more steel to fix,” admitted a sheepish activist.
Regardless of whether their war against the erection of the 12-million tonne steel plant is won, the ability of the protest leaders to create a rebellion against the one single opportunity to alleviate poverty in the region has already secured themselves an assured berth on the next Government in Orissa.
A statement from the world’s Global Representative for Planet Earth and Near-Space, Hon’ Reuben Robert, left earnest news agencies baffled when he quipped “Since when did POSCO get into steel? I find their balls tight, bouncy and a joy to play with.”
This statement was later clarified by his spokesperson as a “minor confusion” with the sports brand COSCO.
With the Indian state of Tamil Nadu taking the lead on enabling Transgendered and Transvestites, others are running to cash in on what is increasingly being seen as a populist move.
Predictably, the Shiv Sena took to the streets when news of the Maharashtra Government’s move to add a similar option to new ration cards being issued in the state claiming that the only faggots in the state were “foreign, Pakistani, policemen, Muslims, Christians and Bihari.”
“There is no place for homosexuals in our culture,” said an agitated Thackery. It was promptly pointed out that homosexuality is a part of Hinduism, and makes up a huge part of our history. “You are all mixed up. Even I have often confused semi-naked Indian mud-wrestlers at the Akharas I own with intense with sexual desire and longing,” he said panting hard. “The passion generated by watching two massive, muscular and manly men writhe together on our the sand of our motherland, skin on skin, and sweat mingling as one , is hard to resist. I must remind you that no Indian in our history has ever had sex with women, let alone with another man.”
The awkward silence was soon broken when the suddenly subdued Sena thugs began asking reporters to leave.
Later, discussions among visitors to the shocking Thackery news claimed to
have noticed the Sena supremo’s personal bodyguard, Bheem Bhai Kamalnath, share guilty glances with Thackery’s wife. No further developments have been reported.