The Foreskin Press

Despite being one of the global few to post a whopping 31% turnover and show profits running in to thousands of crores of Indian Rupees, the senior management came under severe criticism for failing to pass on suitable benefits to their manpower across Bharti’s domain of operations.

Under fire from shareholders and other stake-holders, telecom giant Bharti Airtel today announced an 18% increment for all employees with a tenure greater than 2 years along with 3 months’ basic as bonus payable in lieu of mid-year performance appraisals.

The famed Burj Al-Arab by sunset

Mr Ayearn Soemuch, head of Bharti’s global recruiting arm, made the following statement at the group’s monthly celebration held at the world renown 7-star Burj Al-Arab in Dubai, now almost second-home to Airtel’s so-called ‘conservative’ senior management: “We truly care for the people who have helped build us from the ground up. Our vision is to be the most loved and sought after employer by 2010.”

Choking on a $42.70 croissant, Mr Sunil Bharti Mittal, chairman of the Bharti Airtel empire, reportedly shrieked “that’s a good one!” and the entire senior management burst into hysterics right in the middle of their hearty breakfast.

Mr Bigg Shou, the group’s Head of Alternate Revenues then stepped up to inform amused reporters that the gag was part of an innovative attempt to highlight the new and improved relaunch of the Jokes push-based service offered by the carrier to their beloved customers.

“To experience more such Laugh-Out-Loud moments” he said, “use your Airtel mobile phone to type JOKES, send it via SMS to 121, and you can add a smile to your bleak and dreary lives.”

The event appeared to have galvanized the entire audience and everyone, from reporters to hotel employees, were seen immediately trying out the  new revamped service.  Even hotel cleaning staff were seen joking about the thousands of dollars worth of food that spewed out of the mouths of the senior management as they exploded into unbridled laughter on-stage.

In unrelated news, naukri.com, shine.com, monster.com and clickjobs.com reported a 400% increase in the number of job-seeker postings and CV uploads under “Networking”, “Sales & Marketing”, “Customer Service” and “Telecommunications”.  The sudden manifold increase has been attributed to the positive energy available among telecom-employees, and the “good vibes” from the job market.