Posts Tagged ‘bharti’
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Reports surrounding the suspected parcel-bomb addressed to Bharti Airtel’s headquarters located in Gurgaon’s landmark Cyber Park building were confirmed to be true.
Speaking to reporters outside the India Post Office where the bomb was detected, DIG Inthapae Hoftharich told media-persons that the aura of hatred surrounding the “angrily packed parcel” alerted “alert post office workers that something was terribly amiss” who in turn informed the local police station.
Arriving in just five hours from four streets away, the bomb squad’s sniffer dogs were thrown off the scent “due to the deathly stench of unabashed greed that came off the ‘To’ address label” which incidentally happened to be Bharti Airtel Ltd., Tower A, 4’th Floor, Unitech Ward , Cyber Park, Sector- 39, Gurgaon, Harayana 122001.
The crude home-made incendiary device was apparently wrapped in “thick rolls of stinking garbage that wouldn’t even be worth recycling”. Gurgaon 
Police later confirmed that this was erroneous and clarified that the piles of paper mistaken for rubbish were actually copies of Bharti Airtel’s increment letters issued to all their employees earlier this month. “Anyone would have made this mistake under the circumstance”, said the heavily perspiring DIG Police.
Hundreds of media-persons and thousands of members of the public were seen nodding their heads in agreement.
Airtel yesterday announced the relaunch of the revamped and refreshed Jokes SMS service amid much applause for their unique marketing stunt. However, various veterinary specialists have suggested that the timing of the gag may have possibly been inappropriate. Spokesperson for PETA, Mrs Humpda Dogg, also joined the concerned voices saying “people are not animals!” This reporter is still unsure of the context of her remark, but is convinced of the relevance.
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Despite being one of the global few to post a whopping 31% turnover and show profits running in to thousands of crores of Indian Rupees, the senior management came under severe criticism for failing to pass on suitable benefits to their manpower across Bharti’s domain of operations.
Under fire from shareholders and other stake-holders, telecom giant Bharti Airtel today announced an 18% increment for all employees with a tenure greater than 2 years along with 3 months’ basic as bonus payable in lieu of mid-year performance appraisals.
The famed Burj Al-Arab by sunset
Mr Ayearn Soemuch, head of Bharti’s global recruiting arm, made the following statement at the group’s monthly celebration held at the world renown 7-star Burj Al-Arab in Dubai, now almost second-home to Airtel’s so-called ‘conservative’ senior management: “We truly care for the people who have helped build us from the ground up. Our vision is to be the most loved and sought after employer by 2010.”
Choking on a $42.70 croissant, Mr Sunil Bharti Mittal, chairman of the Bharti Airtel empire, reportedly shrieked “that’s a good one!” and the entire senior management burst into hysterics right in the middle of their hearty breakfast.
Mr Bigg Shou, the group’s Head of Alternate Revenues then stepped up to inform amused reporters that the gag was part of an innovative attempt to highlight the new and improved relaunch of the Jokes push-based service offered by the carrier to their beloved customers.
“To experience more such Laugh-Out-Loud moments” he said, “use your Airtel mobile phone to type JOKES, send it via SMS to 121, and you can add a smile to your bleak and dreary lives.”
The event appeared to have galvanized the entire audience and everyone, from reporters to hotel employees, were seen immediately trying out the new revamped service. Even hotel cleaning staff were seen joking about the thousands of dollars worth of food that spewed out of the mouths of the senior management as they exploded into unbridled laughter on-stage.
In unrelated news, naukri.com, shine.com, monster.com and clickjobs.com reported a 400% increase in the number of job-seeker postings and CV uploads under “Networking”, “Sales & Marketing”, “Customer Service” and “Telecommunications”. The sudden manifold increase has been attributed to the positive energy available among telecom-employees, and the “good vibes” from the job market.
The Foreskin Press 