Posts Tagged ‘police’
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Pohang Steel Company (POSCO) received conditional clearance from the Ministry of Environment and Forest for its proposed steel plant at Paradip in Jagatsinghpur district of Orissa.
Basis our ‘Indian ethos of inclusiveness and oneness with the land’ the ministry gave clearance for erecting the steel plant with 28 additional conditions and for the POSCO port with 32 additional conditions as part of environment clearance.
“It is common knowledge that steel is a nurturing element for Mother Earth,” Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh intoned. “Without steel, why would current car manufacturers around the world work towards non-polluting and alternate energy vehicles of tomorrow? Without steel, how would the whalers and trawlers engage on sea-life restoration projects to ensure our oceans still teem with abundant life when our grandchildren eventually go fishing?”
When asked why tens of thousands of villagers and environmentalists were still against the project, the Minister responded with a curt “because they are uneducated”. He went on to add that big projects such as the POSCO unit were actually very environmentally friendly. “That’s why they’re called iron & steel plants”, he said.
Meanwhile, environmentalists at the proposed site in Orissa have been fasting and fighting while feasting on Machha Curry, Bhendi Bhaja and steamed rice. These hardy believers have dodged rubber bullets and borne the brunt of the angry security forces’ lathis to ensure leaders of the Posco Pratirodh Sangram Samiti arrive safely in their Toyota Fortuners and Mahindra Scorpios. “Any damage to their expensive cars would require more steel to fix,” admitted a sheepish activist.
When this reporter pointed out that his children would most likely die of malnutrition, famine or drought, the agitated response was “at least my children will have trees.”
Regardless of whether their war against the erection of the 12-million tonne steel plant is won, the ability of the protest leaders to create a rebellion against the one single opportunity to alleviate poverty in the region has already secured themselves an assured berth on the next Government in Orissa.
The few statements issued by representatives for POSCO have never made it to print, primarily because they consist of meaningless Korean caws and mumbles.
A statement from the world’s Global Representative for Planet Earth and Near-Space, Hon’ Reuben Robert, left earnest news agencies baffled when he quipped “Since when did POSCO get into steel? I find their balls tight, bouncy and a joy to play with.”
This statement was later clarified by his spokesperson as a “minor confusion” with the sports brand COSCO.
India Legalizes Homosexuality; Repeals Article 377 : Deepthroat Act Leaves Muslim Leaders, Christian Clergy and Hindu Leaders Gagging
Posted on: July 2, 2009
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In a landmark judgment, the Delhi High Court today legalized homosexuality.
“This day will go down in history,” said a spokesperson for the Naz Foundation, the people who actually brought the petition before the courts and have been fighting the case for 8 long years.
“This day I will be going down during history!” says a shy yet excited student supporter of the LGBTQ movement, referring to his college class.
Expecting to be touched by the hand of God, globally millions have instead been touched by their parish leaders, maulanas, temple priest, religious leaders and other god-men. With atleast one in three gay men acknowledging that they first indulged in homosexuality while either participating in a choir, sleeping in religious schools, dancing at temple functions and other related religious programs or events, the LGBTQ community have been startled to see their very initiators lead the protests against their own personal Frankenstein.
“Now I can tell the whole world of the special relationship I share with our community maulana,” exclaimed one particularly naive student of local madrassa.
“I’m sure my parents will be very happy that the man in my life is our church pastor,” said another Sunday School volunteer. “Everybody loves him!”
Hindus we contacted were particularly blase about the whole thing. This was attributed to the fact that despite acting straight, almost all of them were rampant closet faggots. “Everyone knows that to be a Brahmin you have to be dancing queen,” said a cheerful young boy adjusting the sacred
thread draped over his shoulder and around his waist.
Telecom operators faced an unprecedented congestion of their networks as millions of pansies across the country called or texted a friend to bask in the wonderful news being blasted across all the news channels and the Internet too.
Under cover of anonymity, a burly policeman told this reporter “finally, all the stuff we do to our suspects in the debriefing room of the station has been legalized. To hell with the human rights watchdogs!” While the controversial Article 377 of the Indian Penal Code wasn’t struck down, it was however read down. This means the act of non-consensual sex would still remain a crime, thus protecting rape victims and ensuring criminal acts of sodomy are still punishable. To which the muscle-bound law enforcer assured us, “Don’t worry… We’ve got a grip on that!”
Meanwhile, in typical queer fashion, faggots around the nation have found a way to demean the most important occurrence in their, thus far, sad, measly and meaningless lives by deciding to throw massive parties in celebration of the ground-breaking judgment.
“Party on,” exclaimed a smiling Moily, India’s Minister for Law & Justice, and an unabashed supporter of gay-rights. “Party on!”
Full text of the High Court judgment
India, 127th country to legalize gay sex
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Hundreds of LGBT supporters gathered at the Triumph of Labour statue at the Marina Beach yesterday as a part of the Gay Pride March organized in the city of Chennai.
Thanks to the support from the current Government, a large presence of police personnel helped enliven the situation, with more numbers being exchanged than even glances.
Surprisingly, kothis, hijras and eunuchs were in much fewer numbers, and the event was
dominated by mask-wearing everyday regular people. “Thank God!” was what the organizers had to say when we asked them about the low turnout of the transgendered. However, there was no down-playing the flamboyant glamor of the event, with every closet queen turning up in their best and brightest, rainbow boas, scarves, frills and more.
Noted mask-designer, Paul, had specially designed face wear for himself and his friends. The masks featured beautifully hand-carved and hand painted motifs, and were bordered by bright pink feathers. When asked where he came up with the idea for the design, he said “I happened on an old and disused pink feather duster at the bottom of my mother’s cleaning cabinet.” Needless to say, the realization (that it wasn’t just the idea that came from that duster, but the materials too) swept everyone away.
The parade saw many of man’s four-legged friends joining the voices of support. Dressed in frills and bright beads, this dog was the center of attention, with the media hounding her through the afternoon. When asked what she thought of the draconian Article 377, she said “Woof! Woof!” When we asked her what she thought of her owner who brought her out on a hot summer afternoon with nary any water or shelter in sight, she said “Woof! Woof!”
A snide remark from one the participants left everyone rolling in laughter: “The bitches are always the center of attraction!”
Interestingly, there were scores of media persons crawling through the crowd, trailing wires, wares, microphones and notepads. Cameramen were seen focusing on areas of special interest, and many found it hard to control their ‘pointed’ interest in the participants. The skilled interviewers asked hard-hitting questions, much like their counterparts on TV. “Are you gay?”, asked one short bespectacled journalist of a frolicking skirted man.
A huge brawl over the free supply of sponsored Red Bull saw queens clawing and sashes shearing, and dreams destroyed, but the organizers down-played the incident. “See how active we are? See how we’re willing to fight for what we believe is ours?”
Tired but excited parade-goers had a lot to say once they arrived at the end of the march, the statue of Mahatma Gandhi, the father of India.
Media-mogul Reuben poses with a happy fan
“I hope Article three-sixty-nine is enforced,” said one exhausted queen who’d appeared to have been in the sun for far too long. “Because I can’t wait to try the legal version!”
“Three-seventy-seven must go,” squealed a feline male rubbing a dark bruise on his hand, “as must the bitch who stole my Red Bull!”
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 1
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 2
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 3
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 4
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 5
Pictures of the Chennai LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Queer) Pride March and Parade 6
Queer Convergence
Posted on: June 28, 2009
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Railway stations, out-station bus depots and various airports at the country’s Metros have been witness to the most colourful disembarkations over the last two days.
The Gay Pride marches being organized across India’s leading cities has seen queens converging in droves like flies are drawn to, well, shit.
People who prefer sex with members of the same sex promise to add colour to our dreary days not just by marching down the streets of Mumbai, Delhi, Bhubaneshwar, Hyderabad, Calcutta, Bangalore and now, even Chennai, but by also getting the controversial Article 377 of the archaic Indian Constitution repealed.
“Who I [4-letter expletive] is my [4-letter expletive]ing business,” shrieks a saree draped Surendar, sashaying past the media. And that pretty much sums up what the supposedly liberal hearted faggots are looking for.
On the other hand, however, we have the Home Ministry who are filled with brilliant old men who always know what’s best for India. And they appear quite subdued about the whole LGBT activism. “I will not succumb to temptation,” shouted a minister, leaving reporters confused.
The third player in the game of strange bedfellows is the High Court, who promises to be a little forward-thinking. However, as the Indian public are well aware, thinking and actually doing are two very different things in our part of the sub-continent.
Not withstanding, queers all over the country are using this as an opportunity to party, over-dress, bitch, fight, wear make-up, borrow their mum’s underwear and shoes, pull on panty-hose, and generally make a spectacle of themselves.
Policemen all over the country have been similarly prepping themselves up for the grand day, some with extra groin cups and others with sunscreen. “As if they aren’t already a bunch of confused non-men trying to palm off their perversion as a form of artistic expression,” says an angry policeman scheduled for duty at the Chennai Pride March.
“It’s bad enough that there’s a one in eight chance the offspring from my own rather well-endowed loins could turn out to be faggot,” bemoans another beefy policeman. “Now I have to put up with him making a mockery of my manhood.”
Another group of handsome young policemen sweltering under Chennai’s intense humidity asks, “Why the hell are we being asked to protect these kothis? We’re the ones who need to be protected from them!” True to form, many fags gathered at the march have used every opportunity to brush up or feel up the cops on duty and were seen trying to exchange phone numbers with the reluctant young men in uniform.
The homos however have a different take on this. “I got six numbers today,” exclaims a lipstick wearing young thing of indeterminate sex. “What do you mean ‘reluctant young men in uniform’? I found them very willing”, it said with a wink.
When this reporter clarified that the question pertained not to the willingness of the cops but to the overall issue at hand, the youth with the slathered on lipstick retorted, “Who cares? I’ve got one muscled policeman lined up for every night through the coming week. Who will you be sleeping with?”, and sashayed away with a laugh and a wild swing of the hips.
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Reports surrounding the suspected parcel-bomb addressed to Bharti Airtel’s headquarters located in Gurgaon’s landmark Cyber Park building were confirmed to be true.
Speaking to reporters outside the India Post Office where the bomb was detected, DIG Inthapae Hoftharich told media-persons that the aura of hatred surrounding the “angrily packed parcel” alerted “alert post office workers that something was terribly amiss” who in turn informed the local police station.
Arriving in just five hours from four streets away, the bomb squad’s sniffer dogs were thrown off the scent “due to the deathly stench of unabashed greed that came off the ‘To’ address label” which incidentally happened to be Bharti Airtel Ltd., Tower A, 4’th Floor, Unitech Ward , Cyber Park, Sector- 39, Gurgaon, Harayana 122001.
The crude home-made incendiary device was apparently wrapped in “thick rolls of stinking garbage that wouldn’t even be worth recycling”. Gurgaon 
Police later confirmed that this was erroneous and clarified that the piles of paper mistaken for rubbish were actually copies of Bharti Airtel’s increment letters issued to all their employees earlier this month. “Anyone would have made this mistake under the circumstance”, said the heavily perspiring DIG Police.
Hundreds of media-persons and thousands of members of the public were seen nodding their heads in agreement.
Airtel yesterday announced the relaunch of the revamped and refreshed Jokes SMS service amid much applause for their unique marketing stunt. However, various veterinary specialists have suggested that the timing of the gag may have possibly been inappropriate. Spokesperson for PETA, Mrs Humpda Dogg, also joined the concerned voices saying “people are not animals!” This reporter is still unsure of the context of her remark, but is convinced of the relevance.
The Foreskin Press 