The Foreskin Press

Archive for the ‘Blogging’ Category

pohang iron and steel companyPohang Steel Company (POSCO) received conditional clearance from the Ministry of Environment and Forest for its proposed steel plant at Paradip in Jagatsinghpur district of Orissa.

Basis our ‘Indian ethos of inclusiveness and oneness with the land’ the ministry gave clearance for erecting the steel plant with 28 additional conditions and for the POSCO port with 32 additional conditions as part of environment clearance.

Minister for Environment “It is common knowledge that steel is a nurturing element for Mother Earth,” Environment Minister Jairam Ramesh intoned.  “Without steel, why would current car manufacturers around the world work towards non-polluting and alternate energy vehicles of tomorrow?  Without steel, how would the whalers and trawlers engage on sea-life restoration projects to ensure our oceans still teem with abundant life when our grandchildren eventually go fishing?”

POSCO GO BACKWhen asked why tens of thousands of villagers and environmentalists were still against the project, the Minister responded with a curt “because they are uneducated.  He went on to add that big projects such as the POSCO unit were actually very environmentally friendly“That’s why they’re called iron & steel plants, he said.

No Steel CarMeanwhile, environmentalists at the proposed site in Orissa have been fasting and fighting while feasting on Machha Curry, Bhendi Bhaja and steamed rice.  These hardy believers have dodged rubber bullets and borne the brunt of the angry security forces’ lathis to ensure leaders of the Posco Pratirodh Sangram Samiti arrive safely in their Toyota Fortuners and Mahindra Scorpios.  “Any damage to their expensive cars would require more steel to fix,” admitted a sheepish activist.

LathichargeWhen this reporter pointed out that his children would most likely die of malnutrition, famine or drought, the agitated response was “at least my children will have trees.”

Regardless of whether their war against the erection of the 12-million tonne steel plant is won, the ability of the protest leaders to create a  rebellion against the one single opportunity to alleviate poverty in the region has already secured themselves an assured berth on the next Government in Orissa.

The few statements issued by representatives for POSCO have never made it to print, primarily because they consist of meaningless Korean caws and mumbles.

A statement from the world’s Global Representative for Planet Earth and Near-Space, Hon’ Reuben Robert, left earnest news agencies baffled when he quipped “Since when did POSCO get into steel?  I find their balls tight, bouncy and a joy to play with.”

This statement was later clarified by his spokesperson as a “minor confusion” with the sports brand COSCO.

 

POSCO’s India Website

Latest News on POSCO

Anti-POSCO Movement

Anti-POSCO Online 1

Anti-POSCO Online 2

More on Orissa

Poverty in Orissa

Possible Environment Damage if POSCO Arrives

Madhuri Gupta

Maduri Gupta

Indian diplomat Madhuri Gupta, arrested on charges of spying for Pakistani intelligence agencies, didn’t have access to highly classified material but it was too early to divulge more details, Minister of State for External Affairs Preneet Kaur said on Thursday.

“I rise to inform this august house that as a result of our counter intelligence effort, we had reason to believe that an official in the high commission of India in Islamabad had been passing information to the Pakistan Intelligence agencies,” the minister said in a statement in the Lok Sabha.

“The position occupied by the official did not involve access to highly classified material.  The actual positions were the Doggy Style, the Cowgirl, the Reverse Cowgirl and Spooning… Oh yes, there was a lot of Spooning,” she added.

Minister Preneet Kaur

When asked how the Ministry knew that the information was indeed not highly-classified,  Minister Preneet Kaur said, “every Indian can witness for themselves that the information sold by Madhuri in return for an opportunity to rut like a bitch-in-heat with a huge and hairy Pakistani is indeed lowly-classified or mediumly-classified, as we will be publishing it on the fourth-page of all the leading Dailies.”

Members of her ministry have argued that the data should be made available on the Page-3 of the relevant newspapers, as it would be a true representation of her title as Minister of State for External Affairs. Sources close to the PMO have informed this reporter that the matter is being discussed.

Requests for one-on-one interviews with Madhuri Gupta by reporters for The Foreskin Press were repeatedly denied. Officials later confirmed that the prisoner said she preferred cut dick.  Analysts speculate that this confirms the “true nature of her sexual addiction to yet another well-hung  Pakistani.”

Upon hearing of this latest development, renowned author-writer and media mogul Reuben Robert was reportedly quoted as saying, “She would rather deal with an endowed, circumcised and hirsute Pakistani?  Well, I assure you I’m not Pakistani.”


More news on the espionage case 1

More news on the espionage case 2

More news on the espionage case 3

More news on the espionage case 4

More news on the espionage case 5

More about Minister Preneet Kaur

Information on Pakistan’s notorious ISI

Information on Pakistan’s Intelligence Bureau

Information on India’s Intelligence Bureau

Earlier today, media-persons were sent into a tizzy when news of media-mogul Reuben Robert’s close shave on Saturday filled the rumour-mills across the country.

In keeping with his usual low-profile stance, reporters were seen camping outside his palatial Kottivakkam residence, his sprawling office, and his usual hang-outs all over the city of Chennai.

When reporters interviewed his driver-manservant, Thuyavan, a surprising number of important questions were answered.  Here’s an excerpt of the ground-breaking interview:

Reporter : Do you know where Reuben is?
Thuyavan : Who wants to know?
Reporter : The whole world!  What happened to Reuben? Is he safe?  What was this close-shave all about?
Thuyavan : Yes.

The driver immediately left to pick up Reuben at an undisclosed location.

Later in the day, excited media-persons were met by Ishwor Karki, Reuben’s in-house representative, who issued this statement, “Shri Reuben-ji would like everybody to be calm.  He will be auctioning his collection of pocket-combs, curlers and 2 hair-dryers via Ebay India.  A notification on the same will be issued shortly.  His hair-brush with death is not for sale at this moment.”

Relieved news-persons left the premises shortly.  Analysts are still speculating the effect this news would have on the stock markets come Monday morning.

Fitness-guru Reuben poses with two bodybuilders in Puducherry

Once a pretty much unheard-of sport, and completely dominated by the West, bodybuilding is now taking center-stage in India.  What’s causing this sudden boom in body-building youth across the Nation’s gyms?  Experts claim it’s the rising focus on health.

“Have you seen the number of gyms in Chennai!” exclaims a traveling bra salesman we spoke to.  “There’s practically one on every street,” he claims while kneading a rather wrinkled 38-D in his hammy fist.

Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar a.k.a "We See Vinoth"

Doctor Ben Dover Ensayaah attributes it to the changing trends brought about by fashion and propagated by the ubiquitous television.  “Look at the people we see on TV these days… Is there even one unfit soul?  Even I’ve begun working on my abs.  Wanna have a look?” And the doctor attempted to lift his shirt.  Luckily this reporter managed to avert his eyes before any permanent damage was done.

Who did you call chicken?

However, fitness icon and guru, Reuben Robert, had an entirely different take on the subject. “It’s the rising income-levels,” he proclaimed.  “Finally, we Indians can afford to eat, as against barely subsisting or surviving.  Young men now have access to food that’s actually healthy for you and rich in nutrients!”

Indian bodybuilders posing at a local competition

We later approached Reuben’s brother, professional bodybuilder Vinoth Kumar, for his views.  “Why does everything have to be about how much I eat?” he growled, while shielding his plate of Tandoori Chicken.  “As long as my ‘anna’ is paying for my diet, I’ll eat absolutely anything that can’t bite me back!” This reporter shudders at the narrow escape from those gnashing jaws.

"We See Vinoth" lounging at home in his underwear

Despite their low hygiene, lower IQs and non-existent morals, we are all in awe of the muscle-bound hunks around us.

While most people believe that bodybuilders are driven by a passion for strength, a fire for beating the limit, and sheer unbridled ambition, the truth is clear to only those in the know.  More often than not, bodybuilders are driven purely by sheer conceit, the ability to dominate others, the sincere belief that they are superior humans and the God-like ability to be completely self-centered.

Hungry Kya?

Remember,  size does matter.


Bodybuilder V C Vinoth Kumar’s Blog

(click the link inside his blog to see his massive library of bodybuilding photos)

Video : We See Vinoth’s YouTube Channel

History of Indian bodybuilding in pictures

.

Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Celebration Flag Pride Symbol of LGBTIn a landmark judgment, the Delhi High Court today legalized homosexuality.

“This day will go down in history,” said a spokesperson for the Naz Foundation, the people who actually brought the petition before the courts and have been fighting the case for 8 long years.

“This day I will be going down during history!” says a shy yet excited student supporter of the LGBTQ movement, referring to his college class.

Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Police2Expecting to be touched by the hand of God, globally millions have instead been touched by their parish leaders, maulanas, temple priest, religious leaders and other god-men. With atleast one in three gay men acknowledging that they first indulged in homosexuality while either participating in a choir, sleeping in religious schools, dancing at temple functions and other related religious programs or events, the LGBTQ community have been startled to see their very initiators lead the protests against their own personal Frankenstein.

Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Celebration No More Hiding No More Masks“Now I can tell the whole world of the special relationship  I share with our community maulana,” exclaimed one particularly naive student of local madrassa.

“I’m sure my parents will be very happy that the man in my life is our church pastor,” said another Sunday School volunteer. “Everybody loves him!”

Hindus we contacted were particularly blase about the whole thing. This was attributed to the fact that despite acting straight, almost all of them were rampant closet faggots. “Everyone knows that to be a Brahmin you have to be dancing queen,” said a cheerful young boy adjusting the sacredLargest Telephone Instrument thread draped over his shoulder and around his waist.

Telecom operators faced an unprecedented congestion of their networks as millions of pansies across the country called or texted a friend to bask in the wonderful news being blasted across all the news channels and the Internet too.

Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Police1Under cover of anonymity, a burly policeman told this reporter “finally, all the stuff we do to our suspects in the debriefing room of the station has been legalized. To hell with the human rights watchdogs!” While the controversial Article 377 of the Indian Penal Code wasn’t struck down, it was however read down. This means the act of non-consensual sex would still remain a crime, thus protecting rape victims and ensuring criminal acts of sodomy are still punishable. To which the muscle-bound law enforcer assured us, “Don’t worry… We’ve got a grip on that!”Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Celebration 1

Meanwhile, in typical queer fashion, faggots around the nation have found a way to demean the most important occurrence in their, thus far, sad, measly and meaningless lives by deciding to throw massive parties in celebration of the ground-breaking judgment.

Foreskin Press India Legalizes Homosexuality Veerappa Moily

“Party on,” exclaimed a smiling Moily, India’s Minister for Law & Justice, and an unabashed supporter of gay-rights. “Party on!”

Full text of the High Court judgment

More news articles 1

More news articles 2

More news articles 3

More news articles 4

India, 127th country to legalize gay sex

Gays have a right to live

In a landmark judgment, the Delhi High Court today legalized homosexuality.

Foreskin Press bridge bandra worli satellite viewGigantic traffic snarls plagued the newly opened Bandra-Worli link bridge. At a whopping Rs1600 crore, this traffic jam is touted as the most expensive in the world. Officials from the Limca Book of World Records visited the site earlier today.

Foreskin Press bridge bandra sun rise mumbai bombay india beautoful ocean view“We came, we saw”, said Rekhard Brehker, the LBWR’s spokesperson. “We noted.”

Using up 3200 crore man-hours and enough steel to go all the way around the circumference of the earth, the bridge still hasn’t solved the one single thing it was supposed to: Mumbai’s nightmare traffic congestion.

foreskin press sharad pawar and sonia gandhiGetting past agriculture minister Sharad Pawar’s minions in order to ask him about the chaotic state of road traffic just hours after he and his boss, UPA chairperson Sonia Gandhi opened the bridge to the public was a task more arduous than listening to Chidambaram speak. “What traffic jam?” he asked reporters. “We only travel by helicopter or aircraft – sorry.” This opportune position however did not stop him from trying to giving himself a brown-noser and the opposition a donkey-punch by vociferously suggesting that the new bridge be named after Rajiv Gandhi*, his boss’s long buried husband.

Foreskin Press bridge bandra worli giant traffic jam snarlWeary members of the public caught up in the horrendous pile-up of vehicles at both ends of the spanking new causeway had a lot on their mind. “Who the [4-letter expletive] is responsible here?”, screamed one lady at a smiling attendant.

Truly Indian, sighed one elderly gentleman. An eminent proctologist from South Mumbai with clenched fists told reporters, “I’m looking for a slimey Foreskin Press bridge bandra sun rise mumbai bombay indiasmiling neta so I can get to the bottom of this!”

Regardless of the public’s hardship and their pointed opinions, various news channels and papers have lauded the new bridge as the dawn of India’s engineering glory.

Foreskin Press bombay addict blog bridge bandra sun rise mumbai bombay india

*Statistically, there are probably more sites, landmarks, roads, colonies, monuments, streets, lanes, lakes, dams, hospitals, colleges, universities, aircraft, airports, trains, ships, platoons, helicopters, institutions, charities, foundations, harbors, ports, trusts, industries, foundries, mills, memorials, statues, buildings, stations, bus terminals, highways, forests reserves, amusement parks, welfare schemes, cyber parks, tech-parks, gardens, old age homes, orphanages and ambulance services named after that Rajiv Gandhi than pretty much anything or anyone else in the country!

An enraged Reuben lashed out at the media for willfully vilifying his attempts at serious and uncensored ‘unjournalism’.

Foreskin Press Old Style Typewriter Keys AlphabetDuring the course of his lengthy discourse on the various implied and hurtful reporting practices, he openly targeted The Daily Tamasha and The Velvet Blog for alleged plagiarism and veiled threats that were “coded into the language used on their ‘imitation’ blogs”.

A weary listener pointed out that those blogs had begun way before his own personal foray in the digital space, an enraged Reuben responded “I still haven’t had my chilled orange juice, you maladroit mongrel!” The individual was later identified as Reuben’s personal manservant, Thuyavan,

API.  File Photo of Reuben and Thuyavan

API. File Photo of Reuben and Thuyavan

who also multi-tasks as his launderer, driver, part-time cook, bodyguard, strong-arm and all round right-hand man.

When Thuyavan was asked for his own personal view on the situation at hand, he reportedly said “Sir is absolutely right.  Scraping off the [tamil expletive] from the roof of the [tamil expletive] car took all my [general expletive] time, and indeed, I had failed to provide him with his everyday glass of chilled orange juice.”

In related news, Jim Donahue of the famed Velvet Blog said “Who the [expletive] is that?” when asked about Reuben Robert.  Interestingly, mild-mannered Varun Grover, author of The Daily Tamasha said something very similar when asked the same question.

In completely unrelated news, Pagal Patrakar said “Huh?”


Foreskin Statistics

  • 111,643 hits

Docking : A World View

Foreskin Press | The Author

Foreskin Archives

Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory
On our way to 1,000,000 rss feeds - millionrss.comî