The Foreskin Press

Earlier today, media-persons were sent into a tizzy when news of media-mogul Reuben Robert’s close shave on Saturday filled the rumour-mills across the country.

In keeping with his usual low-profile stance, reporters were seen camping outside his palatial Kottivakkam residence, his sprawling office, and his usual hang-outs all over the city of Chennai.

When reporters interviewed his driver-manservant, Thuyavan, a surprising number of important questions were answered.  Here’s an excerpt of the ground-breaking interview:

Reporter : Do you know where Reuben is?
Thuyavan : Who wants to know?
Reporter : The whole world!  What happened to Reuben? Is he safe?  What was this close-shave all about?
Thuyavan : Yes.

The driver immediately left to pick up Reuben at an undisclosed location.

Later in the day, excited media-persons were met by Ishwor Karki, Reuben’s in-house representative, who issued this statement, “Shri Reuben-ji would like everybody to be calm.  He will be auctioning his collection of pocket-combs, curlers and 2 hair-dryers via Ebay India.  A notification on the same will be issued shortly.  His hair-brush with death is not for sale at this moment.”

Relieved news-persons left the premises shortly.  Analysts are still speculating the effect this news would have on the stock markets come Monday morning.